


calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile

by CycloneRachel



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Short One Shot, Supergirl (TV 2015) Season 5, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CycloneRachel/pseuds/CycloneRachel
Summary: When Alex lands in the world Obsidian creates for her, wearing a version of her sister's suit, at first she only feels stronger.It doesn't take long for her to realize that such strength is as unreal as her temporary alter ego.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile

**Author's Note:**

> I'm definitely going to be updating Pay the Asking Price soon, excited about where that story's going. But 5x16 inspired me to write this Alex-centric piece, so whether or not you read/follow that fic, I hope you like this too!

When Alex lands in the world Obsidian created for her, wearing a version of her sister’s suit, at first she only feels stronger.

There’s no way she wouldn’t be- she’s _Supergirl_ , protector of National City, protector of the world. She wears the House of El sigil on her chest, and appropriately when she flies back to the DEO to find familiar faces, people whom she trusts who have her back no matter what she does, she certainly feels that they are stronger together.

They’re no substitute for the friends she has in real life (and as much as she’s heard about the Obsidian program pulling them from her subconscious to make her virtual reality as accurate and realistic as possible, and everything else Kelly’s talked about, they certainly overact as much as some characters in the bad movies she and Kara have watched when they’re more in the mood for something fun) but they’re good enough, and look like her friends, so for now, they’re worth helping.

(although… she can’t help but notice Kelly’s not there. Not even with the Guardian shield- though she’s only started to explore this world. Kelly could very well be somewhere; she just hasn’t seen her yet. And besides, Kelly is one of Obsidian’s employees- Alex doesn’t know whether or not she would even be programmed in as an NPC (is she thinking that right? She knows what it means by now, but she’s still not completely sure how to use it in a sentence) at all.

And, with how they left off… she knows it’s terrible, but she does still notice, and ultimately doesn’t mind not seeing her there)

She doesn’t see too much of Kara in this world, and a part of her wishes she was there- but then again, most of her is fine with not seeing her sister for a while. Even without the baggage of their current argument, she suspects just seeing her face would bring all those emotions back, and that’s the last thing she needs right now.

This is her world, her fantasy. Her dad is presumably alive, her parents love each other and her equally, her sister is human and isn’t guilt-tripping her for not being sad that her father who abandoned her is gone for good. J’onn, Brainy, and Nia are there with her, as her support team. She’s a superhero, and everything is fine.

And with her sister’s powers, her own version of her sister’s costume (which, she has to admit- suits her much better, and the wig isn’t too bad either), she doesn’t just feel strong, she feels invincible. She can punch things, and nobody will tell her she can’t.

Even fighting Hank Henshaw, as much as that brings up bad memories (and seeing the man who wears J’onn’s face doing evil discomforts her again) is kind of fun- Kryptonite stuns her in this reality, but she’s able to fight it off, and she’s able to trick him and bring him to justice with relative ease. When she knocks him down, she imagines she’s fighting the embodiment of Cadmus itself, the organization that stole her father, and when he falls she knows that he, and Cadmus, will never hurt her family again.

But, even just as she enters the Obsidian program, there’s more.

When she’s Supergirl, she finds someone playing a song with more enthusiasm as she blasts off, almost as it’s her theme song. When she’s Supergirl, people talk to her with something like reverence, like they can’t believe she’s gracing their presence and actually wants to talk to them. When she’s Supergirl, everyone she finds listens to her and gives her what she wants, and nobody tells her how to feel, and while it’s fun for a little while, it still isn’t real. It isn’t the truth.

And then, she…

It’s when she’s at the bar, that things start to feel wrong for the first time.

Someone gets vaporized by a Kryptonian witch (truly the opposite of a sight for sore eyes, especially since, as Kara told her, a few of those same witches came through a wormhole into their new Earth several weeks prior during the alternate Brainy thing) and J’onn and Brainy, instead of expressing any concern as Alex would think they would, just laugh about it.

(it’s truly creepy, Alex thinks, looking at them, even though she’d almost never think that about her family otherwise)

There’s a woman there, in Kara’s original costume and with Kara’s powers, who makes her question things, and although Brainy and J’onn offer possible reasons as to why they’re not right and places where she could rest and get help, she knows they won’t be able to truly help her. But afterwards…

She wakes up on the couch, takes the lenses off, and _remembers_.

It was her, forty-one years ago, who hugged her parents goodbye, getting into the pod that would send her to Earth. She was the one who got stuck in the Phantom Zone, experienced all of that eternal loneliness and shadow, without any of Rao’s light. She remembers saying the prayer to Rao, remembers watching her mother and working with her father, learning from her aunt.

She landed on Earth, after alternating periods of being awake and asleep for twenty-four years. She remembers her cousin’s hands, seeing Kal-El all grown up as he tore open her pod. She remembers being taken to the Danvers family, with Jeremiah and Eliza, and Kara, the sister she didn’t know she wanted.

She was Alexandru Zor-El, but on Earth, her name was to be Alexandra, or “Alex”.

_Protector of mankind._

An appropriate meaning, for her human name, even if she couldn’t live up to it until years after, when once she put her medical career on hold to work for the organization that her Earth father had once joined, she had to reveal her powers and ultimately become Supergirl when rescuing her sister.

She remembers carrying the plane on her back, how overcome by emotions that had made her. She remembers how, in the five years since, she’d come so far- protecting her sister with the help of her friends and chosen family, making sure she lived in safety while Alex risked her life for the city.

Everything she’d been through, all she did, was for Kara, and she was going to put a stop to anything standing in the way of that. Even a version of Kelly, who’s clearly been attacked by Psi, because of course her life is real. Why wouldn’t it be?

As strong as she is, she can put a stop to anything… except her younger self, who tells her the memories aren’t hers.

That, as her life comes crumbling down around her, as her loved ones surround the two of them wielding weapons, threatening their lives, she has to wake up.

Has to face reality, face her father, knowing that he made his own choices and that she had to make a choice herself- to accept help and the love of her real friends and family, to face her problems head-on as she always did.

And, in the end, she does.


End file.
